I’m crawling through the Garden of Eden on my hands and knees, eyes shut and mouth agape, using touch as my guide. Smoothing the soft earth surrounding me, I feel myself being pulled forward. Slowly making my way up the tree, pressed flush to the trunk, I extend my tongue and see by taste. The slick and gleaming skin of a ripe nectarine. I lick and lap at its tender flesh. The branches wrap around me, asphyxiating me; I don’t care if I die here. I am completely engulfed, unable to hear or see, when the swollen fruit bursts in my mouth. Juice dripping down my chin, I am released, relishing the sweetness.

 In Monique Wittig’s “The Lesbian Body”, she writes: “I kiss your wrists, the inward of your arms, I cause my saliva to flow inside your mouth, I eat your hair, I scrape my teeth at the skin of your cranium, … my tongue licks your knees, licks your thighs, licks your vulva, licks your belly, licks your breasts, licks your closed lips.” This exploring tongue that Wittig describes seeks to touch, to feel, to illustrate and illuminate her lover's body in her mind. Her desire is intimate and rough. Biting and scraping at the scalp, eating hair – it’s carnal. When she pushes her saliva into her partner's mouth, she will not only taste the other, but tastes what the other tastes within herself.

Tasting oneself is the most erotic and sensual aspect of oral sex. Your lover emerges from your thighs, lips wet and chin slick, and leans in to kiss you deeply, the lingering flavor of your pleasure on their lips. It can be confrontational. There's so much stigma surrounding the taste and smell of vaginas causing women to not only avoid tasting themselves, but develop insecurities around receiving oral sex or being tasted in general. I’ve known friends who, in long term relationships with boyfriends, would never accept the offer of receiving head. Some thought it was gross, but most were just terrified to let someone that close, allowing them to smell and see and experience something so personal and exposing.

But what is sex if not exposing? What is sex if not naked and vulnerable? Our porncentric culture highlights men who seem, quite frankly, scared of pussy. They love to fuck it, ram it, “destroy” it, and penetrate it, but shy away from the true connection and intimacy that lies within cunnilingus. It’s exploratory, raw, and truthful. You have to be wide open in a way that can be avoided during penetrative sex, during which your lover's face is meters away from paradise while their penis does the heavy lifting.

 I think especially for a lot of young men, sex isn’t about the full experience, it’s an opportunity for them to orgasm. Some never grow out of this – DJ Khaled shared on a radio show in 2019 that he never goes down on his wife because he is “the king”.  When it's not just prickish selfishness driving the refusal to eat out, it’s usually the man's own insecurities about his technique. Too focused on bringing their partner to orgasm as fast as possible, they overthink and give up altogether if it doesn't happen. The common thought is “why would I be making these sexual efforts if I can’t make my partner come”, when it should really be about making your partner feel good overall, and experiencing the connection. There are also plenty of health benefits for both parties – it triggers the production of DHEA and oxytocin in both partners, which reduces the risk of heart disease and cancer. Not to mention that vaginal fluid itself is the ultimate probiotic, containing between “100,000 to 100 million” Lactobacillus cells depending on the person. Probiotics build our immune system, support our digestive tract, and reduce depression and stress. I’m personally convinced it gives my skin nourishment, but unfortunately there’s not much public research to back that theory up.

Eating pussy is one of the most ancient forms of worship. Despite a criminal lack of resources and documentation on sex that isn’t phallocentric – due to the erasure of women's voices throughout history – if you dig you will find the practice of cunnilingus occurs in almost all cultures, has been depicted in human ancestral cave paintings, and can be seen in several different non human species. Female bonobos, monkeys significantly smaller in stature than humans, have a clitoris three times as large. Safe to say there is plenty of eating out in the bonobo community, both male/female and female/female. Researchers in Slovenia have found that male Darwin bark spiders can perform oral sex on female partners before, in between, and during copulations. It’s woven into our natural world.

"Before Western religion introduced the pesky concept of shame, female genitalia were venerated in ancient mythology," writes Catherine Blackledge, author of The Story of V: A Natural History of Female Sexuality. Churches were lined with paintings of naked women, in India the Yoni was referred to as a sacred pad of pleasure, and ancient Greeks made cakes shaped like vulvas for the Syracusan Thesmophoria festival. The vagina was celebrated as the symbol of life that it is. The Kama Sutra, the oldest surviving Hindu text on sex and erotic love, dedicates an entire chapter to Auparishtaka, or “Oral Congress”, which details ways to kiss, suck, and rub your partners genitals. One is called, “Sucking the mango fruit”.

Tasting the desperation, the lust, and ultimately the release. There is no feeling more gratifying than bringing a woman so much pleasure. It’s an art. Whenever you feel you need a Come to Jesus Moment…you might just need to feel a woman come. Start by kissing up her thighs slowly. Trace constellations with your fingertips. You can tease ever so slightly, hovering over her rolling hips to admire and take in the sight. Acquaint yourself with the masterpiece in front of you, and then close your eyes. See by tasting. Let your tongue, soft and wild, explore and probe its surroundings, painting a picture behind your closed eyes.

To Devour and Be Devoured: Cunnilingus As A Form of Worship